


Broken

by madrose_writing



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Break Up, Closeted Character, Goodbye Sex, Infidelity, M/M, Post-Break Up, Secret Relationship, Slash, Unhappy Ending, secret lover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:21:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madrose_writing/pseuds/madrose_writing
Summary: Sometimes love isn't enough.  Sometimes...love leaves you broken.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 60





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mimifreed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimifreed/gifts).



> Muggle AU
> 
> Fancasts: Ben Barnes as Sirius / Tom Hiddleston as Remus
> 
> No, this does not end happily. Like at all. Not even a little bit.
> 
> *I am on TikTok as madrose_writing so if you plan on sharing my content in any way, PLEASE TAG ME!
> 
> *currently I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION to have this or any of my fics bound.

****

**BROKEN**

The door had barely closed before Sirius found his back being pushed against it. Remus' lips were hot as they slanted over his; his fingers reaching up to tangle in the strands of Sirius' hair. In return, Sirius' grasp on Remus' waist was tight enough that there might be marks there come morning. The thought of a lasting physical reminder brought a smile to his face. One that ended quickly as Remus caught his bottom lips between his teeth and tugged.

Sirius hissed into the kiss and tightened his grip for a moment before moving his dominant hand further down. Remus bucked against his hand as he cupped his hardening cock outside the fabric of his jeans. His fingers flexed, massaging in the motion that drew out the best noises from Remus. Sure enough, like clockwork, the moans fell from his lips like a babbling brook. It sparked his own desire and his other hand dropped down to meet the first so he could thread Remus' belt through the buckle before tugging on the zipper.

A small whine left Sirius' lips as Remus' hands dropped immediately to stop the motion. But when his lips parted to voice his disappointment, Remus nipped at his bottom lip again before promptly dropping to his knees before Sirius. He ground his head back against the door as Remus' hands made quick work of freeing Sirius' straining cock from his jeans. His clothes had barely pooled around his ankles before Remus braced one hand on his thigh, the other wrapping around his length.

Sirius dragged his lip between his teeth, enjoying the lingering taste of Remus as it connected with the tip of his tongue. A shudder ran its course down his body and his hips bucked forward as Remus' tongue circled the tip of Sirius' cock. It had been far too long since they'd gotten together; so long that Sirius had to dig his nails into the palms of his hand in order to ground himself. In order to keep from coming the moment Remus placed his lips around him and took him as far as he could into his mouth.

There was almost nothing better than this feeling. Of Remus' head bobbing back and forth, his cock sliding over Remus' tongue while his hand pumped the base of his shaft in perfect harmony. It was heaven. The only thing better than this was when Remus had him spread open, his cock thrust deep inside of him. In those few moments where the two of them were joined as one; it was pure bliss. Something he would give anything to experience time and time again.

Even just thinking about it now had his back bowing away from the door; his hips moving on their own accord. The sensation of Remus hollowing his cheeks whenever Sirius pulled back made him whimper and whine. And when the need for release was too great to bear, he thread his fingers through Remus' hair, made a fist, and thrust his hips back and forth in a frenzy. With each pass he made along Remus' tongue, the flames of desire intensified. And when it turned into a raging inferno, he pushed his hips forward and came with a growl. His cock twitched and pulsed as he emptied himself in Remus' mouth. The feel of his throat constricting as he swallowed every last drop kept Sirius going until he was completely spent.

As he started to soften, he tugged at Remus' hair until he stood back up. A moment later, his lips were crashing down over his once more. Their hands roamed freely, gripping and squeezing everything they could reach. As Remus grabbed a fistful of Sirius' shirt to tug him forward, away from the door, Sirius scrambled to kick his shoes off and step out of the clothes around his ankles. By the time they reached the living room, there wasn't a single stitch of clothing on either of their bodies.

Remus' hands on Sirius' waist were strong and insistent, turning him to face the couch in one smooth motion. The moment he found himself being bent over the arm, the sound of the couch scraping across the floor filled his ears, joining with their labored breaths. The warmth that radiated from Remus' hands on his ass, spreading him open made Sirius shiver. And even though he had been expecting the small flickers of Remus' tongue at his opening, he still jumped at the feel of it.

He continued to moan Remus' name; like a mantra or a prayer as Remus left no part of him untouched. Only when he was sufficiently primed and ready did he pull back. There was only a brief moment, suspended in time, where Remus broke contact with Sirius' skin. His touch was quickly returned, but only on one cheek as the other brushed his own cock between the split of Sirius' backside, before notching at the entrance. Sirius relaxed; more than ready and willing to have Remus deep inside of him again. And less than half a breath later, Remus was pushing forward, joining them as one.

The singular groan, formed by the both of them, perfectly in sync, sounded through the air. It was a moment before Remus tested the waters and pulled back a little. He repeated the action, finding the rhythm and angle and always made Sirius keen without fail. His hands slid up to his hips, allowing Remus to bend forward ever so slightly. It didn't take long for Sirius to feel the need for release yet again and if the groans coming from his partner were anything to go by, Remus wouldn't be far behind him.

His nails scraped against the fabric of the cushion as Remus picked up the pace even more. His eyes squeezed shut as his breathing began to falter. And despite the effort Sirius gave to try and hold on just a little longer, he crested. He could feel his own release splashing across the arm of the couch; nothing he hadn't cleaned up before. And no sooner did his vision start to fade to white, he felt Remus' cock pulse within him, filling Sirius with his release as well.

Everything after that moment passed in a blur. By the time Sirius could see or think clearly, he found himself on the floor, shoulder-to-shoulder with Remus. They were both flat on their backs, staring up at the ceiling as they panted for air. When their breathing did return to normal, they still found themselves in a bubble of silence; one that left Sirius with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

A feeling that was proven to be for a reason as Remus said, "This was the last time."

Sirius sighed and closed his eyes. "You always say that."

"I mean it this time."

Sirius shook his head and snorted. "You always say that too."

There was a tense moment of silence, one that was broken by a shuffling sound. Sirius opened his eyes only to see Remus getting to his feet. He propped himself up on his elbows as he watched Remus move about, separating his clothes from Sirius'. His heart skipped a beat as Remus stepped back into his jeans and pulled them up to his hips before securing them into place once more.

"Remus-"

"I'm proposing to Dora," he interrupted, keeping his head turned.

Sirius' lips parted as his heart dropped to his stomach. He reached up to rub at the stubble of his jaw, feeling as though the words had been a physical slap to the face.

"Tomorrow at dinner with her parents."

"Remus-"

"It's time, Sirius," he snapped, finally looking at him, even if it was only for a second before he tugged his shirt back over his head.

"It won't last," he said, getting to his feet. "Someday, Dora will realize that you don't love her. That you're just using her because you're afraid to-"

"Sirius, please," Remus whispered, pain audible in his voice as he finally looked Sirius in the eye. "I mean it this time. This was it. We can't do this anymore."

Sirius' jaw clenched, but he clamped down on his anger and gave a nod instead. "Whatever you say, Remus." He was moving then, stopping only when his hand settled over Remus' forearm. "You might stay away a little longer, but you and I both know you'll be back. You'll _always_ come back."

Remus gave him a sad smile and a slight shake of his head before he leaned in, placed a brief kiss to Sirius' lips, and whispered, "Not this time."

With that, he pulled away and left without another word. Sirius stared at the door, his tongue darting out to taste Remus one last time. "We'll see," he whispered before moving to his liquor cabinet and grabbing the first bottle he came in contact with.

* * *

On its own, the flickering of the fluorescent light about to go out would have given Sirius a headache. Combined with the throbbing of his temple, a result of more fists than he could recall smashing against it, were determined to make it too painful to see. The only thing that might hurt a little worse were his own knuckles, equally adorned with a series of cuts and bruises from hitting just as many faces. At least the bleeding had stopped. As far as he could tell, the gash on his temple, the split in his lip, and his left nostril had all stopped flowing at the same time.

But nothing was as loud as the officer shouting his name or the scraping of the bars as the holding cell opened. "You're free to go, Mister Black. Your friend will meet you at the front desk. You can collect your personal items there."

"Thanks," Sirius breathed, keeping his eyes on the ground as he stumbled out of the cell.

Had he not spent the last six months making friends with the bottom of every bottle he came in contact with, he knew he wouldn't even be able to walk. As it was, it had been a few hours since being escorted out of the bar and thrown into the drunk tank for disorderly conduct. With every step he took, it was easier to shake the sluggish feeling. All he had to do was make it to the front, get his things, and then James would take him to his car. From there, he would either sleep it off in the backseat or he would be sober enough to drive home.

But as he rounded the corner to the front, what little bit of reprieve he had felt from being let go for the night vanished into thin air. There, standing in the waiting room, was a man who was decidedly not James. A man he had spent the last six months waiting and waiting to see again. A man who had sent him down this spiral and filled his lungs with fire.

"I called for James," he said gruffly as he approached Remus.

"And James has a newborn so he called me."

For a moment, Sirius stood there, his jaw clenching as he looked back down the hallway he'd come up from and back and Remus.

Remus sighed and shook his head. "I can leave you here to sleep it off in the holding cell if you'd rather."

He had to admit, either way felt like the short end of the stick, but in the end, he sighed with defeat. "No."

"That's what I thought," he muttered and then turned towards the door. "I'll wait for you outside."

Sirius watched him go and it was only once he was out of sight that he turned towards the reception desk and worked on getting his things back. He prolonged the interaction for as long as possible, not looking forward to being in Remus' car for any length of time. And just as he thought, the moment he slid into the passenger seat, the tension thickened. Almost to the point where Sirius thought he could cut it with his keys.

"Turn here."

It was the first words either of them had spoken since heading out onto the road. Earlier, when the cops were called to the bar when he started the fight, he had cursed the proximity of the bar to the police station for being too close. Now it felt like a blessing in disguise. The sooner he could get out of here and away from Remus, the better. But instead of following his instructions, Remus went straight.

"You were supposed to-"

"I know how to get to your place, Sirius."

"I don't want to go home. I want you to take me to my car."

Remus' scoff had Sirius' mouth twisting into a scowl. "You're drunk. You're not in any condition to drive."

"Don't tell me-"

"Stop," he interrupted, his knuckles turning white as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "I'm taking you home. You can call a cab in the morning to get your car from the bar."

"If they didn't tow it," he muttered.

"Then maybe you'll think about that before you throw your fist at someone's face next time."

Sirius said nothing as he turned his attention towards the window. The silence settled over them, choking them more and more the closer they got to his apartment complex. And when they arrived, Remus had barely put the car in park before Sirius had the door open and his feet on the ground. Much to his dismay, Remus turned the car off and proceeded to get out. But as Sirius whirled around to tell him to fuck off, he lost his footing. He would have gone crashing to the ground had Remus not shot forward fast enough to catch him. He shrugged out of his grasp, his heart aching at the memory of being held by Remus.

"You can go," he mumbled, wiping his palms on his jean-clad thighs. "I don't need you."

"Humor me," Remus whispered as Sirius stumbled again.

With a sigh, Sirius continued forward, no longer caring if Remus followed him or not. At his door, it took a few tries to get his keys out of his pocket and even more to match the key to the lock. But just when he thought he had it, the keys slipped from his grasp and crashed to the floor. He was spared from reaching down to get them as Remus got to it first and unlocked the door. Inside, he set the keys in the little dish by the door and proceeded to escort Sirius to his room. He said nothing as Remus helped him sit on the edge of the bed only to turn and head into the bathroom. When he came back, Sirius' brows knit together at the sight of him with a damp washcloth in his hands.

Sirius continued to hold his tongue as Remus stood before him, wedding himself between his legs. Gently, his fingers curved around Sirius' chin and lifted it up. With an equally light touch, he started dabbing at the cuts and scrapes all over Sirius' face with the washcloth. Sirius studied him, waiting to see if he would say _anything_ , but it was he who had to break the silence.

"You never came back," he whispered, his voice hoarse.

Remus stilled for a moment before he carried on, maintaining the silence between them for a bit longer. "Sirius-"

"You didn't even say goodbye to me," he interrupted, keeping his voice light. "You just told me that was it and walked away."

"It's not my fault you didn't believe me," Remus whispered, his gaze meeting Sirius' for the briefest moment.

"How's Dora?" Sirius asked.

"Don't," he warned, his voice twisting as if trying to contain the pain. A pain that Sirius was all too familiar with. "I don't want to talk about her."

"No, of course not," he said, narrowing his eyes at Remus. "You never did like talking about your cover life with your dirty little secret."

Remus continued to wipe at Sirius' face for a moment before setting the pink tinted cloth on the nightstand. With both hands free, he cupped Sirius' face and stared down into his eyes, the ghost of a smile on his lips. "What's done is done, Sirius."

"Tell me you're happy," Sirius demanded, pulling his face free of Remus' grasp. "Tell me you love her and she's truly the one for you. Tell me she's the one you think about when you lie in bed at night. That she's the one you dream of when you close your eyes." He got to his feet then, making Remus take a step back. He reached up, cupping Remus' face as he had held Sirius' a moment before. "Tell me you didn't turn your back on me to please people that only love a version of you that doesn't exist."

"Sirius…"

The name slipped past his lips like a tortured prayer. As if he were asking for Sirius to stop while also being a plea for more. "I missed you," Sirius murmured, leaning in to rest his forehead against Remus'. "Every day has been a living hell."

His right hand slid down, his thumb dragging across Remus' lower lip and then pushing forward against his teeth. Remus' jaw dropped slightly, enough to take the tip of Sirius' thumb between his teeth. But a moment later, he was shaking his head and pulling away from Sirius' grasp. "I'm engaged," he whispered, almost more to himself than to Sirius. "I can't. _We_ can't."

But Sirius couldn't let him go. Instead, he clung on tighter and angled his head so his lips could slant across Remus'. "If I had known the last time would truly be the last…" he choked on his own words as he brushed their lips together yet again. "Just...please. I need you."

Remus resisted. Sirius could feel it in the way he trembled from head to toe. Could hear it in the labored breaths that became more shallow with each one. He resisted until his guard fell away. Until his arms wound around Sirius and pulled him flush against him. Sirius' lips parted instantly and when Remus' tongue sought his, one might have thought he was a dying man being shown water at the brink of death. He savored the taste of him, eager for every last bit he was allowed to consume.

Lost in the daze of their kiss, he hadn't even become aware that their hands had taken a life of their own. Before he knew it, they were tumbling down onto his bed in a heap without a stitch of clothing on between them. Remus sat with his back to the headboard and pulled Sirius over his lap. Sirius' hands buried themselves in Remus' hair, tugging to keep the angle he craved. Distantly, he heard the lamp on his nightstand crashing to the floor as Remus groped around with his eyes closed, searching for the bottle of lube he kept in the drawer.

He never let up on the kiss as he was intent on pouring his heart and soul down Remus' throat. They had done this a thousand times over the years. Each one, Remus walked away declaring it was their last. And each time, he had made himself a liar by finding his way back into Sirius' bed. The difference between then and now was that Sirius knew he meant it this time. This was the last time he would be able to show Remus how he felt; how good they were together and that no one, _no one_ would ever be as good for him as Sirius was.

"I love you," he rasped into their kiss.

Remus kissed his harder and thrust deeper, as if the sounds of sweat slicked skin and moans of pleasure would drown out the truth. As if ignoring Sirius would make his own feelings go away. So Sirius kept saying it. Every time Remus thrust his hips up, entering Sirius as deep as human possible, he uttered those three little words. And even when the haze of his release put his mind in a fog, he still managed to force the words out.

"I love you," he murmured as he sagged against Remus in the aftermath, his lips still trailing over whatever parts of him he could reach.

And when Remus moved him to the side so he could get to his feet, it felt as if Sirius' heart had been yanked free of his chest. All he could do was watch in petrified horror as Remus averted his gaze and scrounged for his clothes. He dressed quickly and quietly and when he was done, he simply stared at the ground facing Sirius for a moment before turning away to move towards the door. Sirius followed him, still in shock, but as Remus' fingers curled around the handle of the door to leave, Sirius found the ability to speak again.

"If you leave, that's it," he said, trying to rid the shake from his voice. "I never want to see your face or hear your voice ever again." He took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "If you leave now, we're done."

Sirius stared at Remus' back; his breath caught in his throat. But after a moment, his fingers tightened around the handle and in the blink of an eye, Remus stepped through the door and shut it behind him.

Sirius wasn't sure how long he stared at the door, waiting, _hoping_ it was all a dream. That any moment now, Remus was going to come to his senses and rush back in, begging for forgiveness. But as time passed and reality set in, Sirius realized that dream was more like a nightmare. In a daze, he stumbled to his liquor cabinet and grabbed whatever he touched first. Unable to hold himself up any longer, he slid to the floor, his back against the counter. Eyes still on the door, he raised the bottle to his lips and drank. With every sip he took, he hoped it would be enough to fix the part of him that Remus had broken.

**Author's Note:**

> I am the worst at replying to comments, but I read every single one that comes my way. Just know that your words have put a smile on my face. Thank you!
> 
> Feel free to join/follow me on FB and TikTok @madrose_writing
> 
> If you're interested in my writing outside of fanfiction, you can signup for my newsletter on madrosewriting.com


End file.
